My Left Footloose

Phew! (Now, if only I could apply my love of ninjas and giant sideburns to other important decisions...)

Flummoxed by the crapstorm of summer blockbusters? Calm down and use this handy flowchart from www.holytaco.com to simplify your choices.

(Speaking of crapstorm, www.holytaco.com is a veritable crapstorm of half naked girls posing as if they want you amongst unsophisticated misogyny masquerading as humor. It's awesome if you like that sort of thing. If not, you may want to don a body condom before heading over there. I'm just sayin'.)

You Must Be New To This Town, Sister. Only Al Capone Buys Flowers Like That.

A young florist (Nia Vardalos), who has a strict five date limit with men, finds herself attracted to Alphonse Capone (Jason Robards), who is establishing himself as Chicago's number one mob boss. Will there be a sixth date, or a bloodbath?

I Hate The St. Valentine's Day Massacre

Cheat sheet I Hate Valentine's Day | The St. Valentine's Day Massacre

Contributor Phil
Editor Phil

If you Liked This, You'll Love These Souvlaki, With A Side Order OF Triffids | I'm Prayin' To You. Look In Your Heart

The romantic comedy I Hate Valentine's Day opens today

Wolverines! And Other Mammals!

After the events of Ice Age: Meltdown, Manny, Diego, and Sid (Ray Romano, Dennis Leary, and John Leguizamo) are settling down to their new lives when a surprise paratrooper attack by Cuban dinosaurs forces the boys up into the hills, where they wage a guerilla war to keep their home free for the warm blood of patriotism!

Ice Age: Red Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Cheat sheet Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs | Red Dawn

Contributor Rick
Editor Rick

If you Liked This, You'll Love These It’s a Sloth in a Corset | This is the Single Worst Day of My Entire Life!

The Ice Age crowd goes to the well one more time – this time in 3D! Check out the trailer.

The world is full of lone warriors searching for their destiny.

A sequel to end all sequels! Max Rockatansky travels to post-apocalyptic Hollywood to seek his fortune and fame as a rock and roll star. He arrives only to discover that he must first battle Tina Turner for dominion over the one and only stage left in the entertainment ghost town. With the assistance of Russ Meyer, Roger Ebert, and a host of all-girl rock bands, Max succeeds in his fight and saves a bunch of orphaned children while he's at it.

Mad Max Beyond The Valley of the Dolls

Cheat sheet Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome | Beyond The Valley of the Dolls

Contributor Dawn
Editor Dawn

If you Liked This, You'll Love These Oh My God! Her Hair is as Phony As She Is! | Swimming Round And Round Like The Deadly Hand Of A Radium Clock

Go-Go For a Wild Ride With the ACTION GIRLS!

When the gangs take over the highway... remember to signal.

A biker gang of vicious comedians (everybody who's ever been funny) murder the family of a cop (Spencer Tracy), then taunt him with their prankster antics into a crazy chase across the dystopic future landscape of California until he gets into an auto accident with an unreasonably ill-behaved Mel Gibson (Tom Cruise)

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Max

Cheat sheet It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World | Mad Max

Contributor Dawn
Editor Miss Spell

If you Liked This, You'll Love These Try the Dog Food Couscous | It's a Mad House! A Mad House!

Burt Reynolds, Dom de Louise, Sammy Davis, Jr., Dean Martin, and Farrah Fawcett in Cannonball Run - a different kind of gang taking over the highway.

Only one man can help them make something wonderful out of being alive!!

A bitter, heartbroken drifter (Mel Gibson) escorts a married couple (Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney) on their second honeymoon through the post-apocalyptic Australian outback. The disenchanted guide must endure the couple's 10 years marriage memories of infidelity, spats, rites of passage, and fashion trends, while defending them from gasoline pirates and cannibals.

Two For The Road Warrior

Cheat sheet Two For The Road | Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior

Contributor Dawn
Editor Miss Spell

If you Liked This, You'll Love These I always thought it was a ridiculous name for Saturday detention. | Who Run Bartertown? Simple Jack Run Bartertown!

A boy and girl face the challenge of the world's last frontier, Australia, in Walkabout... demonstrating that parts of Australia were a wasteland long before Mad Max's time.

If It's All the Same to You, Thursday Three-Way Will Drive That Tanker

This week's Thursday Three-Way is brought to you by dry summer heat, passion, and gasoline. Now is the exact center of summer: Saturday is the 4th of July, people are enjoying the sand upon the shores and deserts of our nation at this very moment. In honor of freedom, leisure, and the right to assemble peaceably and blow stuff up, we regale you with a series of Mad Max mash-ups.  Sit back in the lawn chair, sip your favorite ice-cold beverage, and be thankful things are not worse.

Every Thursday is Three-Way Day at My Left Footloose! Enjoy three (or more) related My Left Footloose movies for the price of one. Tell your friends you're having a three-way and let 'em wonder who with.

She Was Living Among The Strangers!

The carnival comes to town featuring a reunion tour of The Band (Robbie Robertson and... some other people). A young and sexy stripper (Jodie Foster) becomes obsessed with the traveling show and joins them, only to find they are a troupe of zombie undead hellbent on forcing her to play creepy organ hymnals that invoke flash floods to drown the unsuspecting victim audiences.

Carny Of Souls

Cheat sheet Carny | Carnival Of Souls

Contributor Dawn
Editor Miss Spell

If you Liked This, You'll Love These Aim for the Headmaster | Same as it Ever Was"

"Mysterious Mose", a 1930 Betty Boop animation by the Fleischer brothers about singing with ghosts.

My Left Footloose Salutes the Crack of Dawn (and also Rick)

(It was a joke imperative. Please forgive us.)

It is with great pleasure that we introduce two new writers to the My Left Footloose Unholy Cadre of Wrongness: Rick Neal and Dawn Stott. Huzzah! Dawn and Rick join Phil, Steve, Scott, and myself as your guides to all the best and worst in movie mash-ups.

Rick Neal, blogger, naturally funny person, and proud Canadian, joined us several weeks ago and has been bringing it ever since. Bringing what? Sly, dry humor, encyclopedic knowledge of history and pop culture, and an appreciation for all things nerdlike. Rick holds the honor of being one of the first people on whom we unleashed our passion for movie title mash-ups, and remains the world champion at pulling these things out of his ass long after everyone else has pummeled him with pillows, given up, and fallen asleep (try sharing a hotel room with him some time and you'll see what we mean). Rick is a dear friend and an excessively funny human and we are proud to bring him to you. Welcome, Rick!

Dawn Stott is many things to many people: enthusiastic volunteer, energetic promoter and community organizer, wry and insightful writer, and generous friend. I have been following her writing for nigh unto ten years and she has never failed to engage me with her stories of life in San Francisco and beyond. We are lucky to have snagged her twisted tongue and taste for the bizarre for the benefit of My Left Footloose readers. Her debut is tomorrow, and just for good measure we also turned her loose on this week's Thursday Three-Way. Welcome, Dawn!

As our readership grows, I am proud to know that these quality people will be along for the ride. Join me in applauding and enjoying them.

Jane (and the My Left Footloose Guerrilla Recruiting Team)

Where There Is No Intelligence, There Is Epic Fantasy (Or, Don't Bug Me, I'm a King)

[We briefly considered doing a Thursday Three-Way of bug movies in June. ("June Bugs." Get it?) In the intro, Phil would have said something to the effect that his anal obsessive-compulsive precocious freak-nerd nine-year old self would have impatiently pointed out that "June Bug" is incorrect nomenclature. They are, in fact, May Beetles. But nearly forty years later, mellowed by good food, better beer, and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, Phil is now prepared to accept the popular sobriquet. And besides, it's a B-52s song. As a farewell to June and its bugs, here is one spectacular bug-movie mash-up from Phil.]

To save them from the Blitz, the four Pevensie children are sent to the countryside to stay with their uncle, eccentric entomologist Dr. Nils Hellstrom. There they travel through a mystic portal to a strange realm where insects rule. With Tilda Swinton as the evil sorceress Thysania, James McAvoy as Mr. Attagenus, and Liam Neeson as the voice of the messianic Myrmeleo.

The Hellstrom Chronicles of Narnia: The Antlion, The Witch Moth, and the Wardrobe Beetle

Cheat sheet The Hellstrom Chronicle | The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Contributor Phil
Editor Phil

If you Liked This, You'll Love These Lion Thing | Would You Like a Krill Sandwich With Your Afternoon Tea?

When I was nine years old my mother took me to see this movie, resulting in nearly four decades of screaming nightmares. Thanks, Mom.

Swimming Round And Round Like The Deadly Hand Of A Radium Clock

Frankie and Annette spend their last days on Earth frolicking on the sands of Australia's shores, awaiting the radioactive cloud that will bring an end to all bongo-playing beach bums forever. Even Erich Von Zipper on a submarine can't delay the inevitable.

On The Beach Blanket Bingo

Cheat sheet On The Beach | Beach Blanket Bingo

Contributor The Jersey City Mods
Editor Phil

If you Liked This, You'll Love These I Am A Lowly Abject Turd... 'Tis A Puzzlement! | Rain Today With A 50% Chance For Tomorrow

Here's Pee-Wee Herman doing "Surfing Bird" in Back To The Beach, which looks to be the post-apocalyptic sequel to On The Beach Blanket Bingo. Note that the crowd looks kinda mutant. Or is it just that this was the '80s?

And of course here's Annette singing "Ride The Wild Surf."

The Power of a Broken Heart

In 1920s Paris, a young man (Rupert Friend) spurned by an older women (Michelle Pfeiffer) retreats into fantasy, where he travels a post-apocalyptic wasteland with Melanie Griffith to find a robot replacement for his lost love.

Chéri 2000

Cheat sheet Chéri | Cherry 2000

Contributor Rick
Editor Rick

If you Liked This, You'll Love These Double In-Demme-nity, or, Instead of the Wedding March They Played "Goodbye Horses" | Crying God for England, Harry, and Mr. Zorg!

Chéri opens today, and looks like a delightful costume drama. Take a peek at the trailer.